Resilient Confidence

I find being human a fascinating practice in surprises.  Today is a great example.  I woke up with a migraine.  I get one every month or two.  Usually at the intersection of dehydrated and stressed out.  LOL

I have, in the past, increased my suffering by anguishing over the lost time, listing all the things that won't get done that day, resisting my state of health or illness in general.  Today I managed to dodge all those follies.  Instead, I checked in with Zander, made sure he had what he needed for his morning, then I went back to sleep.  Drifted in between snoozing and meditative contemplation, actually.

And when I woke again, it was noon and I felt much better.  That was my first surprise.

Then I reminded Zander that we had a great opportunity for social time at a weekly park gathering for home school children.  As much as Zander is often happy to spend time alone with his projects, his social interaction battery runs out pretty readily, so it's in our best interests to keep him visiting other kids.  Only, in this case, that involved driving on a hazy bright afternoon.  And just walking from the house to the truck was a piercing reminder that the headache was only on break, not gone home.

Some thoughts crossed my mind, of skipping the drive and the park.  Of calling someone to get Zander to his father this afternoon.  But after a queasy moment or two, I knew I wanted the time with him.  Our end of the week travel time is also our check in for the weekend and plans for next week time.  So I drove.  The sunglasses helped.

On the way, he played one of his handheld games, trying three times to beat the bug type gym in his latest Pokemon game.  And managing only to generate a lot of frustration.  His team was underprepared, but he didn't want to do the work to get them ready.  And he's usually the sort to be right on the money about what his group of critters can handle.  Now this sort of situation, where I know he has the resources to solve the problem but isn't using them, often results in me becoming cranky and impatient.

But this time I just felt compassion.  That was my second surprise.

I offered to level up some of his pokemon while he played.  His turn to be surprised.  LOL  He replied, "Do you really want to do that?"  I said yes.  Not that I have any great desire to play on his DS or to learn more about capturing pokemon than I need to stay current with his reality.  But I do have a desire for his happiness, and it seemed a simple enough task to get his team some basic upgrades.  Besides, I already had plans to mostly sit during our park excursion.

So he played with his friends, and I got the team ready for their battle.  And I had a lot of fun, which surprised me.  And I got sufficiently distracted from my discomfort to ignore it completely, which surprised me.  And he beat the gym battle on his first try with his upgraded team.  All happy results.

Now, I'm home again.  Some cleaning to do, some organizing, some things to sell on Craigslist.  My head still hurts.  It doesn't really bother me, though.  It's just a status report my nervous system keeps updating.  It'll probably be gone tomorrow morning.  And then I can explore new surprises.

I feel more comfortable with the not knowing, today.  My confidence in the good will of the Universe is returning.

Not Knowing

A few days ago, I felt completely buoyant, in large part because I could feel the interconnectedness of the Universe, and I had a clear understanding that I couldn't possibly know what would happen next.  What a difference a few days can make!  Today, I feel isolated, again.  And the not knowing is still here, but now it feels scary.

I can tell it's an ego game.  Not that the awareness helps me find my way out of the maze I've constructed.  I'm trying to control something.  Everything, maybe.  Of course I can't control anything.  I know that, and sometimes I can even choose my path without a need for control.  Safety just looks so tempting, every now and then!  And it's a long time since I've had that handy.

The words on my car are an example.  Most of us, I believe, consider our cars a sort of private haven.  Not me, now.  Every week, at least, sometimes more than once or even several times in a single day, someone speaks with me because I've written encouragement on my car.  "Love your life."  "Live your love."  When I went to New Mexico, one man even asked me if I was ever scared of what might happen.  What an interesting perspective!

I can imagine the possibility that someone disturbed might take exception to such cheery advice.  My experience, though, at least so far, is that anyone who will bother commenting has something nice to say.  Some say that it brings them a smile every time they see it.  Other's just say it's nice to see, or thank me for writing it.  One fellow came back to speak to me a second time, telling me that it made him want to cry.  I didn't pry for specifics, but it looked like he was experiencing gratitude.

It might be safer to just drive my anonymous black Ford Explorer.  I could scrape the scarlet edge of a yellow light without being so readily identified.  I could lose my vehicle in the parking lot at HEB.  LOL  And I happily trade the increased visibility for the increased self expression and accountability.  I don't have any idea what will come of driving around with permanent cursive encouragement.  I find I can trust that it's mostly good.

So, while I find the lack of safety unnerving, today, I think I'll look to my art car for the unwritten encouragement.  Letting the unknown in can bring unexpected goodness.

A Week to Remember

So I haven't posted for a week.  Two reasons for that-  First, the moon is in decline, and I find that I often have less outward expression then, and more expression as the moon waxes toward fullness.  Second, it's been an amazing week!  I've been so busy living that I've hardly taken any time to reflect, let alone share my insights.

My older son, Robert, is a math and computer genius.  No motherly exaggeration, either.  He took the SAT at 14, just to see how he would do.  I bought him a study book, which he dutifully ignored.  Took the test cold and aced the math, got a 720 on the English.  Went to college at 15.  Got a six digit job at 21.  Oh, man.  He's unstoppable!  (I'm proud, but I can hardly take any credit.  All I did is drive and write the right letters.)

So he has been looking for a certain kind of work, and he found it.  I knew he would.  He's like me in at least one way- he always achieves what he sets out to accomplish.  But far from seeing him disappear into the global programming culture, I got a totally different result.  He's moved back to Austin!  Now he can pursue his success and I get to see him, too!  And Zander, little brother, gets to share pestering time.

So, in the last week, I've helped Robert get an apartment.  (Mostly driving, again.  LOL)  I managed to avoid worrying, almost, as he and his friend Adam drove from California to Texas over the weekend.  Then on Sunday and Monday, we did some epic furniture shopping to get him not quite settled before he started work on Tuesday.  Yesterday, Zander and I rested.  We had earned it by surviving our trip to IKEA.

So I share with you my gratitude for family, and my delight for a Universe that understands when moms aren't quite ready to see their firstborn sail away into the sunset.

Sources of Inspiration

I love the internet.  It serves so many purposes.  Today, it offered me inspiration.

First, I got to visit with family and show them this amazing video of Jeb Corliss.  He's a maniac after my own heart.  I love freefall!  Woot!  Human's have dreamed of flight forever, and I think it's because we remember the times between lives.  This guy takes his cue from flying squirrels and chases the exponential edge of possibility.

Then I hopped over to Astronomy Picture of the Day, NASA's daily photo of the local and not so local Universe.  So extraordinary.  We're still learning so much about the sky, our greater context.  I love this nebula, and this composite image of M31, aka the Andromeda Galaxy.

Fuel for the spirit, like visits with family.  Fuel for the imagination.  We each tell our own story, and we shape it with our ideas of what's possible.  I like to get the high octane stuff, for sure.

Peace

Gluten Free Peanut Butter Cookies

1/2 cup Butter
1/2 cup Peanut Butter
1/2 cup packed Brown Sugar
1/3 cup Honey
1 Egg
1/4 tsp Vanilla
1/4 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1 1/4 cup gluten free Flour
(I use about one third each of Oat, Tapioca, and Sorghum)
Optional- 1/2 cup Chocolate Chips

Preheat oven to 350 F
Cream the two butters together, then add the sugar and honey and mix well.
Beat in the egg and vanilla.
In a separate container, mix all the dry ingredients.
Add in two or three batches to the wet ingredients.
Fold in the chocolate chips.

For traditional criss cross style cookies, chill the dough for an hour.
(Not really workable if you have the chocolate chips in, so for those use the drop method below.)
Roll dough into little balls, about an inch in diameter.
Roll each ball in granulated sugar and squish with the flat bottom of a glass until they are about 1/2 inch thick.
Using a long tined fork, press first one direction, then perpendicular.
Bake for 10 to 12 minutes.  Cool slightly before removing from pan.

With chocolate chips, or if you're in a hurry to get to the taste testing, just spoon out blobs with a teaspoon and bake for 8 to 10 minutes as soon as all the stuff is mixed.

Important note- All cookies taste better when shared.

Sometimes, you eat the best food for your body.  Sometimes you eat the best food for your soul.

You choose the balance.

Playful Co-Creation

What if the Universe, Spirit, God, or whatever you choose to call a higher power is actually not a warm generous parental type?  What if, instead, it's more like a jaunty best friend who loves you so much and can't wait until tomorrow when the two of you get to play again?

I've been getting closer to living in my power.  Which, ironically, takes a lot of humility.  Anytime I think I Know, assuming I can catch myself at it, then I'm pretty sure the Ego has taken control of the vehicle again, and it's time for a cosmic fire drill.  Red Light!  Everyone out!  It's time to switch seats!

Staying in the not knowing is tough.  It takes some willingness to trust.  It takes some courage to give up plans and schemes.  It's potent, though.  The Unknown is so much bigger than the Known.  The Conscious mind has less than a thousandth of the computing power of the Unconscious.  And who knows what measure we might find in the superconscious.  And there's magic in the Invisible- in the ineffable spaces between what we see and what we imagine, like the dark matter of possibility.

I went to buy yarn for my hair.  (I'll post a photo tomorrow...)  On a lark, I wore a nice outfit.  I simply felt like being fabulous out in the world.  Then, having successfully completed my trip, I realized that I was in South Austin with free time.  I called the first person that came to mind, and she was delighted to hear from me, hoping I'd come to her party.  Which I did, and met some lovely people.

If I had stayed in the known, I would have missed all that.  I would have come home, cleaned house, hung drapes- followed the plan.  And my intuition brought me a totally different result, because I was willing to set my planning aside and just listen.  And that's such an important part of co-creation.

You can't just do it alone!  There are two of you, right?  The you who is reading this, and the You who already knows all of it, and lovingly empowers the first one.  Trying to do it with just one of you will be far more tiring, I promise.  So cultivate that partnership.

I love hanging out with the Universe.  She's my best friend.  She loves you too, and She has plenty of time to share.  Tell her your secrets (and stop being so bossy,) and you'll find that she makes a great play date.

The Mathematics of Inner Peace

Try this simple equation-

X - Z = Unhappiness

Where X is "How I think things ought to be..."
And Z is "How things Are in this moment."

This idea has been with me for 20 years.  I'm still working on the application.  And discovering new aspects of it.  Like any simple truth, it has subtle complexities.

For instance, it's rather obvious that if you're expecting the world to deliver you rose petals and sunshine every day, then a rather persistent state of disappointment will interfere with your Inner Peace.  It's less obvious that a pessimistic outlook can also result in discomfort.

I remember one of the most blessed moments of my life, being in the woods in the innocent presence of a young fawn.  Even there, with no requirements from the world, I found that there was a tiny disturbance in my heart.  "This can't last.  I shouldn't even be here.  I'm too short on money for a vacation..." Etc.

So foolish, the estranged mind.  And remarkably good at shell games.

Perhaps the goal is to come to terms with what is.  Perhaps just to allow what is on the way to what is becoming.  Perhaps the best road is to let go of the judgments.  I don't actually know.

I do know that when the difference is small, I feel happier.  When the distance is great, I suffer.  So I practice faith and trust. And I try to celebrate little improvements.

Hopefully, in increasing increments of time, I can get to X = Z

Wise Eating

Just before Zander was born, early in 1999, I saw a bumper sticker that read, "If you eat, you're involved in agriculture."  Over the next few years, as I considered this simple truth, I changed the way that I eat and feed my family.  A lot.  LOL  Mostly, I decided to stop paying farmers who destroy the living soil with chemicals.  To this day, we eat almost all organic.

Since then, I've continued to grow in awareness.  I find different ways of seeing become complimentary in neat ways.  For instance, in the macrobiotic tradition, it's important to eat foods that are in season.  This makes sense to me, as someone who believes in interconnection.  Naturally the foods that grow now are the ones most likely to nourish those who eat them.

And in raw food circles, there is an idea that fruit juices are more for cleansing and vegetable juices are more for building.  This clicked for me when I realized that the sensations I associate with hunger are sometimes a need for calories, and sometimes an awareness of cellular shift.  There is a discomfort, I find, involved in becoming more healthy.  The body is used to it's state of being.  Anything different, even if better, takes a while to become familiar.

Then I read a scientific report on health in general, and the really cool findings of what happens when people become agrarian.  The general state of health in newly agrarian peoples goes down considerably.  The results are pretty amazing, actually, even creating significant genetic alterations in just one generation.  I haven't made a deep study out of it, but it seems to me that the reason would be two fold.  First, the people are moving less, since they can and must stay near their fields.  And second, they start eating the same foods more often, and a narrower range of foods overall.

I also believe that the plans Nature/Spirit makes for us are always wiser than the plans we make for ourselves.  For instance, I notice that there are more fruits available in the summer and more vegetables available in the winter.  Zander and I have noticed that we don't like the a/c or the heater much, so we've been experimenting (pretty successfully, I might add) with acclimating as much as possible to the current weather patterns.  And it makes us hungry to be colder.  The body uses more calories, I suppose.  Thus, winter vegetables are useful, both in season and more likely to build than cleanse.  And in the summer, then fruits and light foods delight us more.  When the days are warm and lazy, it's the perfect time to cleanse.

So consider the plans laid for you in the long, slow Grace of Evolution.  I hope you eat what is both good for you and good for the earth.

Remember Aughra?

She was the cheeky hermit in The Dark Crystal.  She has these intelligent vines guarding her house, and they end up capturing Jen, the gelfling hero of the movie.  She inspects him from a distance, holding her eye up to see him better.  LOL  I love that!

In her ancient home, there are so many cool things.  The place is crammed with nifties.  In the middle of it all there is a giant orrery.  I love that part too!  And in their conversation, the idea of the Great Conjunction comes up.

She says, in her eccentric way.  "Now, ask what the Great Conjunction is- What's the Great Conjunction?"  And Jen dutifully replies, "What's the Great Conjunction?  You tell me."

And she says, peering through a brass model of the three suns coming together, "The Great Conjunction is THE END OF THE WORLD!  Or the beginning...  Hmph!"

(And I was reminded recently that the Hmph! is very important...)

It's no different living in 2012.  Things are lining up.

Is it the end of the world as we know it?  Of course.  Every day is the end of what was, the beginning of what will be next.  We are all changing and growing.

And more, so much more this year, as wave after wave of cosmic energies wash across the planet.  Hold on, let go, imagine, envision, forgive and love and accept, especially yourself.  We're becoming whatever we choose to become.  We've really been doing that all along.

And this year, Miracles are more possible than they have been.  The Light is increasing.  So take your Third Eye out and investigate from a distance.  See what impossible things your vines have caught.  Go see the orrery, shake out that collection of shards, and do what you're called to do.

The Crystal is waiting for us to return to Wholeness.

Mindful Creation

I have always been good at things.  All kinds of things, almost whatever I tried.  The trick, in the long run, has been to winnow away all the things that I think I should do, think the world needs, feel like nobody is doing, etc.  In other words, give up all outside motivators and choose to reach only for what delights me.

I love to build things.

Not just anything, because that merely makes me Human.  We're the Funny Animal with an Imagination.  We make stuff that wasn't there before.  Some of it useful, and well, some of it not so useful.

I like to build thinks that bring Spirit into the Material.  I like to build bridges to the Source, so it gets easier to remember our Wholeness.  That's the point of my Crystal Matrix work.  That's the point of my paintings.  That's the point of building a walking labyrinth or a Temple.  They all provide an opportunity to go deeper into our connection to the Is.

Today, though, I was thinking about all the other things I build.  That people in general build.  We do it all the time.  We build relationships, some healthy, some not.  We build belief systems, some healthy, some not.  We build opinions, judgments, likes and dislikes, homespace that serves us or makes us feel uncomfortable, lives that feed our soul or deaden us to our truth.

So, consider what you built today.  In your mind, in your life, in your community, and in your world.  Does it please you, this day worth of creations?  Have you made things better for yourself, for others?  If yes, then great, and I hope you'll take a moment to appreciate how you've grown and given.

And if no, then I hope you'll take a moment to appreciate your courage.  You did the best you could today, just like always.  And you are honest enough to see where you can improve.  Tomorrow you can choose again.  If you like, you can become more mindful of your creations.

Namaste

Welcome to The Moment

Today I will remind you of something you already know, but probably forget on a regular basis-

There is no crisis.  All is well.

The Universe dreamed all this in Perfect Order,
and you are playing your part wonderfully.

So is everyone else.

If you could look at yourself with the eyes of an angel, you would see radiant beauty, great courage, and living truth.  Love yourself, then.  Your flaws are actually Features.  Your gifts are unique and valuable.

Try it.  Just appreciate you.  Like an Angel.

I do.  I love you just as you are.

Remember.

Remember.

Beginning from the Ending

I have a New Year's Resolution to be more of my Whole Self this year.  I plan to Shine my Light out into the world.  I'll share it by Posting here every day.  (Apparently, this will involve certain levels of Non-Traditional Capitalization.)    

It's a 9 year for me.  For those unfamiliar with numerology, that means I'll be doing a lot of letting go.  9 is completion, the end of the cycle, the preparations for new life and energies.  Old habits, old property, old ways of seeing, are all getting sorted through for the long term.  Do I need this (idea, limit, item, behavior)?  Does it delight me?  If no, do I recycle it?  Toss it?  Thank it for teaching me before I burn it?     

In the last five years I've sorted through my reality several times.  Things get simpler every time.  I've learned a lot about what I really need.  What I really don't need.  In keeping with the theme of completion, here are nine insights I've gleaned, in no particular order.

1)  Dessert is often a Necessity.
2)  What I think I want is subject to change without notice.
3)  I feel happier and more healthy if I keep plants in my living space.
4)  If I am charmed by a thing, 95% of the time, I'll be over it in a week or less.
5)  The Universe is generous and has a Great Sense of Humor.
6)  The movies I watch more than once are either funny or inspiring or both.
7)  The one thing that nourishes me most (Aside from Spirit) is community.
8)  I know I'm on the right track when things are easy and fun.
9)  Beauty, Truth, and Love are my reasons for being on Earth.

What would you put on the list of Useful Insights?